Day 6 and 7: Oh, how the tables have turned...

Tangent #1: Blog Frequency

Although, I'm sure I already have the support of anyone who read the blog post from Friday (which came dangerously close as being as effective as two Benadryl to inducing sleep), this is to inform other people who were spared Friday's blog (or who fell asleep reading it) that I am switching from a daily to an every two day blog. I view this decision as as a kindness to myself and my readers (thanks Marsha and Megan (at least two people reading--just because they are related to me doesn't mean they don't count--it turns out that even my husband isn't reading on a daily basis).  For starters, as the days progress there are just not enough entertaining events in my life (related to being a vegan) for me to blog about.  If I  keep trying to maintain a daily blog it will surely devolve quickly in something like this http://dumpaday.blogspot.com/.

Yes, that's right--thanks to the internet this guy has created a blog where he details his daily trip to the bathroom.  (Although, you have to give him credit--it's not easy to think of "fresh" material for a daily blog). Sadly, this is one of several blogs based on this subject matter.    (O.K. and since we are already on this topic, some of this is about entertaining content--however, I am also lazy and like to watch t.v. and sleep--as a result, I am switching to a blog every other day).  [IMPORTANT: For your own safety, do not put the following into a Google search "Blog about pooping", trust me--just don't.  It turns out that among other things people really have taken, and posted to the internet, pictures of their poop, including "the longest poops."  Not a good situation.]

Tangent #2: Reconsidering "Rainbow Cake Watergate"

So, for those of your reading you will note that many of the blog posts I have put up this week have detailed some...let's say inconsistencies in the application of my vegan principles (e.g. gummi vitamins, non-vegan cake and GLBTQ friendly cake).  First of all let me say that after thinking about "Rainbow Cake Watergate" I have come to a new decision--I think that my being--my soul really--compelled me to eat the rainbow cake as a way of showing my commitment to the GLBTQ community.  Really, in retrospect my decision to devour the rainbow cake--a decision that required me to break my vow of a vegan diet--was incredibly brave.  This was me showing my personal commitment to another key issue that I support the GLBTQ community.  God--a vegan and an active supporter of this community--who would have thought!  I really am incredible.

Now, that these two housekeeping items are out of the way I can tell you about the events that unfolded on Sat. night.  Last night I went out to dinner and to see a comedian with my friend Green eyes (nickname to protect her identity)Initially, my husband was going to come, but he didn't for a couple of reasons: 1) The Illinois Basketball game was on t.v. (enough said), 2) Somehow when my husband and I go out with one of my girlfriends he ends up being the "third wheel", not the girlfriend and 3) and to be honest I think this is the real reason, we went to a vegetarian/vegan restaurant for dinner. The restaurant is http://www.cafesunflower.com/ and has been serving vegetarian (and vegan) cuisine since "1994."  I'm thinking--fantastic, Green eyes and I can go out to eat and I don't have to worry about causing any problems.  First of all a couple of confessions--I walked into the the eatery and was pleased to see that there were chairs, items on the menu that expanded outside the scope of tofu and that there were a lot of patrons.  Honestly, I was thinking that there would be like 18 tables with no one in them and that everyone inside would be wearing birks. 

Sitting down at a pleasant table (albeit one flanked by hemp fabric drapes), I immediately told the waiter that I was a vegan (for almost a week).  He said great and then walked me through the menu. I ended up ordering the mushroom fettuccine (which means it was made with fettuccine noodles, not that it had a creamy sauce) with sun-dried tomatoes, scallions and three kind of mushrooms.  The waiter assured me that the item was vegan--I should have realized that he couldn't be trusted when in the middle of Green eyes ordering her food I caught the him telling her about how they prepared the acorn squash dish with honey.  I was like--whoa buddy you told me that dish was vegan, now you are telling her it is made with honey--honey is not vegan. So I said, oh, I thought you said the dish was vegan, but if its made with honey then its not.  He, the waiter at the VEGAN restaurant that I corrected, was like, "Oh, I guess it not vegan--ha, ha, ha!" (it was more of a throaty chuckle).   I was thinking like "ha, ha, ha"  what's funny about this?  Isn't knowing what is vegan and not vegan on the menu a key component of your job?  I think it would be like the equivalent of a waiter at LongHorn Steakhouse not letting patrons know that the ribs they are ordering are actually "soy riblets."  So I busted the guy on the acorn squash fiasco, then proceeded to eat my delicious pasta which he assured me was "totally vegan." 

However, sometime later at the incredibly smoky bar I ended up at (which is awesome since I can't eat sugarless gum because it has some chemicals associated with meat, but somehow it is still ok to get tobacco lung from smoke inhalation), I realized that there is no way the pasta was vegan! WTH (What the heck!).   Long story short-somehow I ended up eating non-vegan food at the restaurant I went to specifically because it facilitated vegan dining.  You think I was trying to sabotage my vegan eating.

How did this happen to me?  Again!  It's like for some reason I can't learn that pasta is not vegan!  How is this a hard lesson?  In addition, it has since come to my attention that there are a number of other items that are not vegan including tortilla chips and gum.  Basically, despite 40+ hours of work, I have still yet to go one whole day without eating some type of dairy and/or animal by product.  Great.  It's a good thing my self-esteem is abnormally high or else we might be in trouble here.

Also, in a blog related note, Green eyes and I did order a piece of vegan cake for dessert.  Again, stupidly I listened to the waiter who assured me that all of the cakes "are delicious."  Unless it was opposite day, we are not in agreement about what delicious means.  I order the cake (which was $6.25 by the way!) and took a bite.  Immediately when I put it in my mouth my whole body rebelled--everything was wrong, the flavor, the texture, it looked like cake but didn't taste like cake.  Upon seeing the intense reaction that I had to the cake, Green eyes cracked up and then for some reason decided to try the cake?  Who watches someone almost spit something out and then decide to "give it a shot"?  Unfortunately, she also thought it was terrible.  However, I should add that it didn't stop us from eating almost the whole piece of "cake."

Day 5 and Day 1: A Perfect Day

Depending on who you talk with this is either day five of "being a vegan" or day 1 (as a result of my Rainbow Cake Watergate yesterday)....At a minimum this is day five of being "basically vegan."

Insert picture of myself with a caption that reads "Basically Vegan"

The following items of note occurred today 1) Everything I ate was vegan! 2) I talked with "Ron" about vegan meals I could eat at his establishment and 3) I have finally realized that I can't continue this blog without additional support.

1) Everything I ate was vegan!  Menu: Puffins cereal with soy milk, banana, Lucy sugar cookies (vegan cookies that are now sold at Starbucks--remember the media coverage when Princess Di and/or MJ died--Starbucks selling Lucy cookies is getting the same level of attention in the vegan world), Coffee with soy milk, Chipolte black bean tacos with guac, a pear and dinner (TBD).  Yeah!  It only took approximately seven days to get it right...

Insert picture of either Lucy's cookies, or me purchasing Lucy's cookies at Starbucks, or the sad face I made after realizing that they still taste like vegan cookies

2) Ron: We are planning a little lunch outing for next week at a restaurant that focuses on local sources for food and sustainable options--despite this "Ron" let me know that they don't have anything vegan on their menu.  It turns out that they can "put some lettuce on a plate" for me.  I think that he (like someone else I know) might have a cheeky since of humor.  I'll let you know.  I might have to pick up some pine cones on my way to the restaurant to eat.

Insert picture of pine cones that I will have to eat or "Ron"

3)  Additional support needed:  I realized that I can't continue with this blog until I get an I-phone.  For example...
Running late for work when you are a vegan means that your lunch bag looks something like avocado (not a container of sliced avocado, an actual avocado), a banana, a red pepper, two pieces of Ezekiel bread (no container, just thrown in the bag),  and a family size bag of walnuts.

 Insert picture of lunch bag here

Having an i-phone would enhance my ability to effectively report my experiences.  Steven (my husband and therefore "an active member of the decision making unit for my family" (saying it over and over to myself...) thinks that due to the fact that I lost four cell phones last year that I am disqualified from getting an i-phone.  This is a serious journalism endeavor--I need resources.

Vegan Kick Start: Day 4: Somewhere over the Rainbow

Quick Note:  I wanted to let everyone reading this blog that they should read it in the spirit it was intended. My husband, friends, colleagues and others are written about in this document.  I hope that my little comedic insights are not offensive--they are not intended to be so.  However, if you find that something bothers you let me know and we can work it out.

Being a vegan isn't as hard as you might think.  All it takes is near daily trips to the grocery store, a high tolerance for being starving, 30 hours of free time a week to research being vegan on the internet, two hours a day to plan and prepare food and an acceptance that you are no longer able to consume your favorite foods.  No big deal.

In her her book "The Kind Diet" Alicia Silverstone (big vegan, she actually eats Kale for breakfast that she grows in her backyard.  Honestly, no one thinks that "Kale" is a breakfast food.  I don't care what diet you are on), she talks about the "wonderful" food that she gets to eat now.  She says, ""The kindness is about being truly kind to yourself first and letting yourself have the best health and look your best and feel your most vital."  Really?  That got be thinking...is being on a vegan kick start really helping me to "feel my most vital"?  Here's what I thought about...

Tonight I went to a work "Happy Hour" party at my boss' house.  Almost everyone I work with came and there was an absolutely fantastic spread of Mediterranean Food--hummus, Baba Ganoush, pitas, fallafel, fresh vegetables, grapes etc.  It was actually a Vegan Bonanza (since I believe the world revolves around me, I am going to move forward thinking that my supervisor ordered vegan friendly food for me and not because it is delicious food that just happened to be vegan).  In a huge twist of irony, I am on a vegan diet and had three plates of food, but my husband (god love him) ate lettuce, carrots and some plain chicken (and I think he only ate the Chicken Swarma because he didn't know it was called chicken swarma and believed it to be plain chicken).  Bottom line--my first effort at social eating as a vegan should have been a huge success.  I should have left the building feeling "my most vital." 

Instead...it was my own personal version of hell.  I'm not talking about this kind of hell...

Actually, if we are talking about my personal hell it would look more like me having no option but to work sixty hours a week as an executive assistant for a few people who will remain unnamed...

(If you need explanation for my choices: Chris Brown-obviously, Mike Tyson (not exactly a man whose name syncs with women's rights) and Tom Brady--who you may think of as an interesting choice, but he did dump Bridget M. when she was pregnant to date Giselle!).

No, in this particular instance my own personal hell manifested itself with a little (actually a giant eight layer confection) thing called the "Rainbow Cake."  So after enjoying the delicious food--scratch that, from the morning that I heard that there was going to be a "cake" at this event (mind you that occurred at approximately 9:47am), I was fixated on this for a remainder of the day (or my life...well see).  So, I get to the party and it is literally the second thing I see (after her adorable little boy and her cute dog Zorro! (isn't that a fantastic name for a dog?).  I am walking into her house, she is greeting me, people from my office are tying to say hello, I should be introducing Steven to everyone, but instead I see it out of the corner of my eye...(insert a dun, dun, dun).  Do I ask if there is anything I can do to help?  Do I try to get in the door quickly so that I can provide a minimal assistance to my hostess who is desperately trying to balance keeping a quick 2-year old and a happy dog from darting out the door--No.  All I can do is think about the Rainbow cake.

Unfortunately, in some sort of horrible set of circumstances I can't actually eat any cake because it turns out that at least two people in my office are reading my blog (or it could be that I talk about it 8,000 times a day until their eyes glaze over and they surrender).  At that point, I can assure you that the fact that baby pigs, cows, honeybees etc are being "enslaved" by Corporate America couldn't have been further from my mind.  But, I pull myself over to the side and give myself a little pep talk--"Snap out of it", "Do better" ect... Unfortunately it doesn't work.  I tell myself to "Be Cool."  Apparently, I need to take a class in motivational speaking because it didn't work.

Most people who were trying to avoid the cake would have avoided the area where the cake was located and steered clear of people who were eating the rainbow flavor explosion.  But not me.  First, I walked by the cake, then I basically walked by the cake again, then I pretended like I left my Diet Coke on the table--this required me to--you guessed it walk by the cake again. 

On top of just walking back and forth in front of the cake, I found myself seeking out people to talk to who were eating the cake.  I can't remember who or what we talked about, because I was giving all my energy to the cake.  Just being near people who were happily eating the cake worked for a little while, but then I found that I wanted to be closer to the cake.  So then I walked over to the cake and stood there staring at it.  The "big boss" (who ironically is petite!) actually caught be in a trance like state near the cake and tried to direct me to other parts of the house.  It worked temporarily.

I was able to walk away from the cake, but ended up walking back and forth near another table that had a little morsel of leftover cake.  It was just sitting there taunting me--eat me, taste me...I almost tripped over a chair because I was watching that cake so carefully.  At some point I was hoping that overhead fire sprinklers would turn on and cause a fire-drill like escape so that I could stuff a bite of cake in my mouth during the ensuing chaos.  Since it was a private residence this didn't happen.

To top it all off, I ended up taking a piece of Rainbow Cake home "to freeze."  Any guesses on how that went? 

You got it, I didn't make it past the driveway before I bite of cake ended up in my mouth.  Note to self--avoid cake.  Great...back to day 1.