Vegan Kickstart: Day 2: A fine day for me a bad day for Moe

6:20am

Today started out with the absolute best of intentions...nonetheless in the comedy show that is my life inevitably threw a number of curve balls. First I woke up (early mind you!) to ensure I had plenty of time for my big interview today. To this end the goal was to get dressed in a nice suit ("Business" Melissa) and leave for work by 7:15am.

As part of the extensive grooming process to get to the "I look nice--thanks, because this is as good as it gets Melissa Palmer," I decided to both brush and FLOSS my teeth this morning and take my vitamins. First, I opted for my delicious vita-gummies. After complimenting myself on my good preventive health behaviors I noticed the ingredients list--gelatin. Of course the gummy vitamins have gelatin...What I have learned recently is that gelatin is a non-approved food for vegans because it is made from horse hoofs ect. Great--so before 7am I had eaten Black Beauty...

7:45am

Fine...so after avoiding a meltdown, I dug into the cave that is our guest room closet, and found a suit jacket and went downstairs to scurry off to work (forgetting to brush my teeth--making me a horse killer with poor dental hygiene). I was still recovering from the gummi-vitamin incident when, as I was driving toward the highway I ran over a small animal. Fantastic. By 7:45am on my second day as vegan I have eaten a beloved childhood classic and killed an animal. With my luck I'm sure that the animal that I ran over was some small child's favorite kitten. Probably not, but still that puts me into baby squirrel territory.

Fantastic. Insulated in the four walls of my office I was able to control myself from continuing to destroy living animals...for the most part. However, on a whim this morning (after I ate Black Beauty, but before I killed the soft and curious baby Squirrel (whom we shall forthwith call Moe), I grabbed the horrendously awful (although cholesterol free) vegan muffins to share with my office.

Tangent #1:

Upon seeing that I grabbed the vegan rocks he asked a question and provided a warning. The conversation went something like this:

Steven (looking extremely handsome): Are you taking those muffins to work? (insert incredulous tone)

Melissa (wild-eyed from sugar withdrawal): Yes...why do you ask?

Steven: Do you hate the people you work with?

Melissa: Oh ha-ha very funny.

Steven: Seriously, at least promise me that you won't give anyone that's interviewing you later today a muffin...

Melissa: (No reply, but my effort to "leave in a fake huff" were thwarted by the GIANT bag that I have to use for my vegan lunch since a normal bag can't hold the seven Tupperware containers containing my "food" that I have to pack so I don't have a food meltdown at work).

End of Tangent #1

To my surprise several people "grabbed" a muffin. I put them on the snacks table at my office (which usually contains 10 to 20 thousand calories in cakes, cookies and/or donuts) with a sign that said: Vegan Applesauce Muffins with Walnuts (no cholesterol, no taste?). I was surprised that as the day progressed at least six of the muffins disappeared from the tin. I will say I was feeling overly good about things until I saw a colleague (who shall remain nameless) carrying one in the cup of her/his hand in order to politely dispose of the item at their desk. I learned two things today:

1) People will eat anything you put on the "snacks table" and,

2) Muffins (like cake) don't taste good without at least having butter or eggs or oil or sugar.

Also, if it turns out that if there is someone at your office that you don't like you can find the recipe for the Vegan Applesauce muffins (link embedded).


Tangent #2: As an FYI, here is a "Vegan" fact that I find endlessly entertaining. Yesterday during my research I discovered that as a vegan I can't eat Lucky Charms (marshmallows have gelatin), but I can eat Bacos! Bacos! Seriously? Sad but true.